Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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