i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
