Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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