guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
