how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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