one might say we're banned from that church
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
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