Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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