the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
