ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
