she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
