my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
