there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
