he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
