miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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