..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
