Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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