walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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