This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
