McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
