They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
