wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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