Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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