he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize