:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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