i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
