ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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