I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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