If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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