I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
