from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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