I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
