so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
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of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
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So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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