My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
