Im at strip club and am horny
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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