There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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