trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Semen is not good for contacts.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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