New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
