i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
