last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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