I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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