I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
