Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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