Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
