I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
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