But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
