Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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