do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
