If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
can u get pink eye on your cock?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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