Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
