We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
nutella sex= disaster
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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