i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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