I wanna bring you to show and tell
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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