Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
