He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
