i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
