great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my phone needs a breathalizer
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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