He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
