And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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