Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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