he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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