Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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