if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
