Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
