All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Randomize
