I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Oh god it's open bar.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
