He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
